While juggling all these challenges, the most common perception is that the person has moved on. But what if they’re still holding on?

Holding on doesn’t mean sulking all day. While there are inevitable lows, holding on brings immense strength to rise again. It’s not merely a survival trick but often the only way to live and keep afloat. Holding on becomes our strength—an inseparable part of our soul.

Even in loss, there is something beautiful about not losing hope. It is in holding onto the cherished echoes of the past—the memories, the lessons, the love—that we find our resilience. These echoes remind us of what we have endured and how far we have come. They become our silent strength, whispering courage into our hearts and helping us transform pain into purpose, grief into growth, and survival into meaningful living.

“The world moves on, and so do humans—or so it seems. Ever try having a deep conversation with someone? You’ll realize how flawed that statement is. Some hold on, and that becomes their source of strength, purpose, and even happiness. Holding on forever, yet moving ahead with it.” – RVA

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Hey, but that isn’t something to be depressed about. You can always alter that grief to something optimistic, something to look forward to, and something to cherish. 

It’s been more than 10 odd years since I lost my beloved dad. Does it still hurt? Yes. Does it make your eyes tear up? Definitely yes. It is never a piece of cake to move on from the loss of your parent who has been your best friend, confidant and someone to look up to. 

Lately, I have been going through a depressive state in my life. With my health being affected and mere helplessness, made me miss my friend the most. In those dimmest of times, I always wondered why life had been so unfair to me. Why I had to lose my dad when I was just in high school? Why I had to go through so much pain and uncontrollable heartache that made me feel lost? Why I don’t have him next to me when I need him the most? Am I being thoughtless here? 

Even after 13 years, I am still not entirely healed. My counsellor, with whom I had only one session, asked me to be an adult and move on from mourning my lost parent. Also, she asked me to seek help from others rather than feel unhappy about not having a dad to confide in. Those words hurt me. Perhaps she intended to push me hard, to make me feel confident in myself, but somehow that didn’t benefit me.

After almost a month of my gloomy state, I have discovered that grief hasn’t made me powerless. It has always shown a light at the end of the tunnel when I feel lost. 

And that light I would like to acknowledge as my dad. 

Forever my guiding light, forever my strength, if you are my grief, I will forever keep you as part of Me.

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I met a friend after a long time, almost after years and we went down memory lane. We realized that both of us were dealing with losses and grieving. She had lost a part of her heart and so did I, there was no comparison, no GYAANS or sympathy. There was pure solidarity, full attention, and acceptance towards each other. At that point, we were a family- no jealousy, just pure EMOTIONS. 

So, what is a family? Our parents, siblings, cousins, or pets? A Family is not meant to break you but to make you. This passing on generational guilt, traumas, and responsibilities is like a vicious cycle, a never-ending loop. 

Yes, we all have our core family but then we make our OWN FAMILY as we go along in our journey of LIFE. 

A family can provide unconditional love and support, promoting personal development and happiness. However, it can also be harmful, sustaining generational trauma and dysfunctional dynamics. To obtain serenity and happiness, people must recognize and break free from negative patterns, instead choosing partnerships that promote positivity and progress.

Generational barriers, such as guilt and pain, must not be handed down. A truly happy family is based on mutual respect, understanding, and emotional support, whether made up of blood relations or chosen loved ones who foster a nurturing environment.

We cannot choose our FAMILY but we can choose our SANITY. The biggest challenge yet the best reward you can give yourself is to break free from the negative shackles. 

“ They say time heals all wounds and waits for no one. I want to ask these ‘They’, when will you move on from your rigid generational thoughts, and when will you accept the new change? Why is it so difficult to be happy and so easy to live a life with guilt and trauma? Well, someone has to break this norm and pay the price of choosing HAPPINESS.”- RVA

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The cultural drive to coach us on how to conduct our lives is relentless in a society that moves at an ever-accelerating pace. When dealing with trauma, whether it is a heartbreaking breakup, the loss of a cherished loved one, or the sting of betrayal, we are frequently encouraged, “Give yourself time, time heals everything, and you will eventually move on.” But what happens if we don’t? What if we prefer to live with our sorrow, accepting it as a part of our path rather than trying to avoid it? These considerations push us to confront society’s rigorous norms for grieving and rehabilitation.

The common refrain of “time heals everything” is a soothing balm for many, offering the promise of respite from the anguish of traumatic events. However, it is crucial to recognize that healing is not a one-size-fits-all process. Society’s expectation that we must follow a predefined timeline for grieving often overlooks the individuality of our experiences.

Trauma has profound consequences in our lives. It leaves a permanent trace, a scar on our souls, from which we may never fully recover. It’s not about drowning in sadness, but about accepting the fact that suffering changes us. It takes a piece of us with it, and the concept of “moving on” may not be for everyone. For some, healing involves accepting their trauma into their identity and taking it with them as they navigate life’s turbulent waters.

The tremendous pressure to comply with society’s timeframe for grief causes us to mistrust ourselves and hide our pain. But why should we rush our recovery? Grief isn’t a straight line; it fluctuates and flows, and there’s no right or wrong way to go through it.

What if one individual takes years to mend while another finds consolation in months? Is our strength determined by our mourning timeline? Certainly not. Each person’s path through grief is unique. It is past time for society to acknowledge this truth.

Fear of societal judgment forces us to wear masks of strength, preventing us from receiving genuine healing. Let us challenge these standards and celebrate the diversity of human experiences. There is no shame in grieving for as long as necessary; healing is not a sprint.

Hope is found in our uniqueness. Our ability to endure and heal is defined by ourselves, not by others. Some traumas never heal completely, but they transform us into resilient, sensitive, and compassionate people.

It’s not about moving on; it’s about moving forward at our own pace, with our scars as a testament to strength. Society has its standards, but we aren’t bound by them. We’re free to embrace our unique journey through grief and find true healing in our individuality.

“Nothing stays forever, be it happiness or sadness. What is permanent is how we feel. People change, personalities change but deep down we all remember and carry on with it”- RVA

The post The Pressure to Move On: Understanding Grief and Society’s Expectations appeared first on Cherished Echoes.